The Sabotaged Anime Saga
by Uncle Saddam
Summary: What happens if popular anime gets sabotaged? Stretching the limits of insanity across various anime universe. R+R ^^!
1. Intro to everything subject to change

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The Sabotaged Anime Saga

A damn long author's introduction. Seriously. I mean it.

From 2 of the world's most idiotic, mentally unstable, sarcastic, horizontally challenged authors of fan fictions, comes a saga, a tale of complete unorthodox idiocy, insanity, brewed straight from the deepest recesses of the mind never imagined possible. We're talking about a complete sabotage, a parody, a story that stretches the 'what if' question to it's absolute limit. Okay, so maybe not to its absolute limit, but at least, it's the best thing we can crank out of our crazy minds. So before you guys hurt yourselves trying to digest what you just read, let us introduce ourselves.

I am Uncle Saddam. No, I'm not related to Saddam Hussien, if that's what you guys are thinking. It's my nickname. I wonder why people call me that. Maybe it's because I practically slaughtered almost all of my opponents in multiplayer deathmatch?… Okay, Arcadia Charmer @ Angel Slayer just puked in disgust. You can stop that now, I'm serious, I'm not bragging about my frags, dammit! I'm just trying to point out that… okay, let's just forget about this. It's not worth debating. Truth to tell I wrote a couple of fan fictions, imagined hell a lot of them but only published very few. Do you guys know Zack 2000? Anybody? The guy who wrote Sailormoon VS Alien morons? He once wrote this rather demented parody about Sailormoon and published it at www.farkaly.com. If any of you guys read it, yup that was my writing. Though that was years ago. I've never really finished writing it. You guys never heard of… Never mind then.

Has anyone been to or heard about the site? Well, the owner of the site, Phil Farkaly, I think his name is, is a very talented writer. He actually manage to remarkably combine the fantasy elements of Sailormoon with science fiction, resulting in what could be the next block buster film if ever revealed to the owners of the anime itself. Unfortunately the site is no longer there, though you can read the owner's final farewell bidding to all the people who have supported him throughout. Phil if you're reading this, I really adore and respect your work. I hope to see more of your creations soon. By the way, what happened to the third instalment of the Dark Star Saga? Did you manage to finish it? Please e-mail me regarding your progress. 

Let's continue with the authors' intro, shall we? As some of you attentive ones have guessed, the second author is Angel Slayer, who is now laughing his ass off watching an Anime Music Video with System Of A Down's Chop Suey theme song. His favourite part of the song is obviously '_I, cry, when angels deserve to DIIIIIE!!!_' Yup, definitely his favourite part, considering he just repeated the line for the millionth time, screaming in full glory, head banging with the enthusiasm of a hippo on crack. Grudgingly, I must admit that I'm a little guilty of the same act, though not as much as he, I must stress. It's a wonder why he chose the nickname Angel Slayer, isn't it? Okay, considering Angel Slayer has given me a dark look, I better stop questioning his personal habits. Angel Slayer a.k.a Arcadia Charmer wrote many fan fictions, probably more than me. One of them is an Oh My Goddess fanfic entitled Charmer of Arcadia. Quite a remarkable piece of work I must say. He is also known to combine many characters from various animes and put them all into a single story. It's something I haven't thought of in my years of writing. He is also the only fellow fanfic writer that I've known personally, because he happens to be studying in the same University with me, and my room also happened to be above his.

Enough said, one day after a tired examination week, we have banded our minds together to create this parody of epic proportions. This saga will have 3 parts, each part reaching across the various dimensions of the anime universe, completely screwing them apart into absolute insanity. We might add more parts if time permits. Till then, read on! 


	2. SAS 1: Hiko's Dillemma

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The Sabotaged Anime Saga – Part One: Chii, the next Hiten Mitsurugi Inheritor? 

Chobits meets Rurouni Kenshin equals…

Before we begin, we must point out that we have only seen Chobits up to episode 15, though we have read much of the manga, so much of the characters' behavior might be pure speculation. So mind any inconsistencies with the real anime and please point out whatever we might get wrong after you guys read. Now we begin…

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Chapter One - Seijyuro Hiko's dilemma 

Dawn came. As the majestic rays of the eye of heaven peeked from the horizon, basking the earth and all of nature in its rays, steadily, ever growing in its gentle warmth, life begin to slowly stir in this ancient forest. A forest, which once bore witness to many centuries of human's mishaps and contributions. Blood once flowed in the soils of this forest, crimson spilled from the flesh of man, and spilled by man alike in their pitiful battles justified by their own selfish or misguided beliefs. But that was ages ago, and nature endured, and life once again flourished, ignorant of the incomprehensible doings of mankind. The trees, with their magnificent emerald and jade leaves, danced in rhythmic fashion as the wind blew… uh, I said as the wind blew? Hello! Wind anybody? (Narrator glances towards the aeronautics technicians, who were innocently playing hopscotch, further adding to the narrator's irritation. Technicians looked at narrator and one of them said "What?" Narrator starts to flap his fan, pantomiming wind. Technicians nodded in the affirmative. Narrator sighs in relief) 

Instantly, 150 technicians start to flap their fans towards the narrator, causing gale force winds, hurling the narrator, towards a power generator at Mach 2. The Narrator managed to say "Bakaaaaa!" before meeting an explosive and electrical demise… (We are now suffering technical difficulties. Please stand by while the cra… uh problem is being rectified) Uncle Saddam slaps his head in disbelief. Angel Slayer spared a quick glance at the mess, then continued to listen to Chop Suey… The second narrator walks in and clears his throat. He glanced at the technicians with a hidden meaning, and they all just smiled sheepishly. 

"Okay, where were we? A tree, emerald, leafs, yada-yada-yada. Aha!" The narrator continues his narration. The trees, with their magnificent emerald and jade leaves, danced in rhythmic fashion as the wind blew, throwing shadows, which seem to dance in tandem with the branches… 

"Can you just get straight to the point and trash the nature thingy?! This is not a freakin' National Geographic, for god's sake!" shouted Angel Slayer, to the surprise of everyone, who had big sweat drops on their foreheads. 

"How long," said Uncle Saddam "were you watching?" 

"To tell you the truth, from the 'branches' thingy. Anyway, yo, narrator! Do what I told you to do."

"With all due respect, Angel Slayer, I'm just following the script, which, by some sick twist of fate, actually was written in part by you," said the narrator while pointing a very rude accusing finger at Angel Slayer. 

"Why don't you just stop wasting the readers time, and stop arguing with me before I flush your sorry excuse for an ass down my grandmother's toilet!" If the narrator wanted to object, he hid it well. It seems the image of travelling down the filthy hole of his grandmother's waste closet was more then enough to motivate him, as he merely grumbled something unintelligent and continued. For real this time.

As the birds started their melodies chirping, a figure emerged from his bed, waking to the warmth of the sun and the sound of nature as life steadily returned to the forest. Unfazed by the sudden light intruding his simple hut from an opening, which serves as a window, he deeply inhaled the invigorating morning air and walked steadily towards the mirror, without a hint of the aches and strain associated with long slumbers. His gaze moved towards a mirror, hanging from a wall, and held it. 2 minutes later, he makes a genius pose and said, "no matter how many times I watch this mirror, I'm amazed at how a genius like me could sleep all night and yet still looking good in the morning." For that statement, the crewmembers, the frogs and the crickets responded by vomiting in disgust. Even the house lizards that were crawling on the ceiling fell to their deaths, choosing to die happily than to endure another second of torment. With his trousers, kimono and a sash tied to his waist, which miraculously never caught a stench, Seijyuro Hiko donned his 40kg cape, carried his trusty sword, hanged his cute Mashimaro towel over his right shoulder, and… (This was greeted by amazed disbelief and humor by many crewmembers, who showed their emotions by stifling a laugh or rolling upon the cement floor with uncontrolled guffaw. Angel Slayer and Uncle Saddam tried their best to hide their amusement behind a cup of coffee.)

Seijyuro Hiko with his ever-present machismo, replied, "as a genius who is known for indulging in his God-given macho attitude, I see no harm in appreciating and exploring my gentle side, don't you agree? I mean, look at him!" he uttered while pointing at the very kawaii picture of Mashimaro on his towel. This in turn brought many awes from the crewmembers, although a few of them were caught between puking in disgust at Seijyuro Hiko's macho statement and giving up to their appreciation of cute things. 

"Well, at least someone appreciated the towel I bought." said Uncle Saddam. 

"True, true." Angel Slayer replied.

Without further ado, Seijyuro Hiko walked with his trade mark machismo, getting on the nerves of all the animals he passes, towards the waterfall, with his stuff and a father feminine (large) basket of toiletries. Some of the deers had huge sweat drops from the image. As he reached the waterfall, he drank in the beautiful image before him. The crystal clear water, gushing through the jagged rocks above, cascaded in a thundering roar towards the bottom, creating fine mist and a heroic amount of splashing water around it's point of impact. The mist resembled nothing but soft cotton, begging the beholder to reach out and touch their fluffy-like but intangible form. The air lingered with damp moisture that invigorates the inhaler and cools the skin of the beholder. Seijyuro Hiko lingered in his appreciation of nature for a while, the he proceeds to leave his sword leaning on an ancient tree, his towel hanging from one of its massive branches and set his basket of toiletries on solid rock by the river side. He then retrieved items from the basket: a toothbrush, a back scrubber, a bottle of sake (his must item, not to be missed in any occasion) and to everyone's surprise, Shokobutsu shower gel… 

As everyone stood gaping at the 21st Century creation now evident in his hand, Seijyuro Hiko began to say "Shokobutsu shower foam, the only shower foam worthy of a genius like me." He then proceeded to give his most dashing smile at the cameraman, causing all of the crewmembers to fall flat to the ground or flying around in absolute ignorance of the laws of physics. Angel Slayer was talking to a representative of Shokobutsu, "with that settled, I would like to see the dough…" The representative handed a handsome wad of cash to Angel Slayer who took it wholeheartedly. "Sneaky bastard…" said Uncle Saddam as he watched the whole transaction. As if things weren't as cheesy as it now is, Seijyuro Hiko proceeds to grab another item, this time, wait for it, Clairol Herbal Essences Shampoo. Once again the crewmembers cascaded in various random movements which gave a whole new meaning to Brown's Cascading Theory. 

He then continued, "Clairol Herbal Essences, made for geniuses, works for geniuses," while dramatically drawing his unoccupied hand through his hair in one of his famous macho man poses. Now it was Uncle Saddam's turn to seal the deal, as he later had a huge bulge in his right pocket, getting heavy by their costly content. "Look who's talking…" said Angel Slayer, grinning all the way. 

"Shut up"

"Aye-aye sir," replied Angel Slayer with a mock salute.

Seijyuro Hiko then proceeds to cleanse himself, hidden from prying eyes by 'the mystical mist that always appear in this situation'. Wearing only his small clothes, powerful muscles rippled as he gripped a huge rock and pulled him self towards it, ridding his being of impurities by the incredible friction of the waterfall cascading from above the rock. After a while, he leaned upon the part of the rock, which was not engulfed in the waterfall, oblivious to the ice cold water, which covered him up to his entire lower torso. He then poured a tiny cup of his precious steaming sake (when the heck was it heated remains an enigma), set the bottle of sake on a flat piece of rock and began to sip his sake slowly. Basking in the warmth of the sun, the icy coolness of the water, the smell of the morning air, the sound of the birds melodious singing, and the company of his warm sake, Seijyuro Hiko finally began to relax, an audible sigh emerging from his mouth. This is what makes life worth fighting for, he thought in his heart.

His mind was then washed with the reminiscence of his past, starting right from the part where he meet Shinta, to the point where he teaches the same boy who is now called Kenshin Himura, the art of the Hiten Mitsurugi sword technique. His memories went on to the point where Kenshin unceremoniously left Seijyuro in order to enforce his own principles, then returned with a terrible dilemma, asking Seijyuro Hiko to continue Kenshin's abandoned study in the Hiten Mitsurugi. One thing after another passed by, to the point of final victory, when Kenshin finally defeated his half-brother in mortal combat. Only until then, had Kenshin ever achieved total peace, for that was his final and most feared battle, which he had, long ago anticipated.

Many years had passed since then, with Kenshin and Kaoru joined in holy matrimony, having a child whose name he could not recall, Yahiko's skill getting close to what Kenshin had in his earlier studies with Seijyuro Hiko sensei. Seijyuro drank to their happiness, wishing them a forever-peaceful life. Seijyuro Hiko never felt this peaceful throughout his life of war. Kenshin turned out better than he had hoped for. In truth, he thought his stupid and hopeless student would never make it. Never expecting Kenshin to be the man he is today; it is a both reassuring and troubling thing to dwell upon. He felt a sudden sense of pride for Kenshin Himura.

Yet, despite the reassurance, there was still something that continues to bug Seijyuro Hiko's mind each day. Kenshin Himura may have learned the highest techniques of Hiten Mitsurugi such as the Amakakeru Ryunohirameki or the Kurzuryusen. He may have achieved the strength, which Seijyuro Hiko claimed to be close to his, though never greater. But there is still that one nagging feeling that Seijyuro Hiko has to face every day when at times like this. And today, Seijyuro Hiko had finally found the answer. "Who the heck is going to be my true inheritor?!" shouted Seijyuro Hiko to the sky. Kenshin may had inherited his techniques, but not the name' Seijyuro Hiko' or the 40kg mantel, or the recognition as **the** Hiten Mitsurugi inheritor. Yahiko is not a candidate because he has already learned much and probably won't behave under the strict training. Besides, he is too old. Kaoru, certainly not! Sanosuke can't stand his machismo more than a minute. Who will? No, the question is who can? Seijyuro Hiko continues to ponder this throughout the day…

Meanwhile, in the studio where all animes gets sabotaged, Angel Slayer debated with Uncle Saddam about his rather thin plot. "Okay, so maybe the plot on Seijyuro Hiko's need for an inheritor stems from the fact that our fellow Watsuki never bothered to draw a cape for Kenshin and change his name to 'Seijyuro Hiko', maybe a little weak, but at least there a story line, right?"

"If there's no story line, there wouldn't be a story in the first place. Couldn't you just choose another plot? Like, having Seijyuro Hiko meet the woman of his life, who he marries and to his horror, happens to be a she-male? Maybe then to return his honor he goes on a journey to find another inheritor? What do you think?" supplied Angel Slayer. 

A wry grin formed on Uncle Saddam's face. "Tempting, but I'm not really proficient in the romance business. You know I can't possibly think of a woman; moreover a she-male that would catch Seijyuro Hiko's fancy. Besides, it would be to much damage to his machismo for him to be lured by a she-male; probably bordering on the inhuman." This caused both of their faces to split in a wide grin. 

"I can understand what you mean about feeling tempted," said Angel Slayer. 

Both of their gazes landed upon Seijyuro Hiko, who merely spoke, "you may be able to hurt my machismo, but my ego is indestructible. As a genius, I will naturally survive." 

"Well said, although that actually tempted me even more," said Uncle Saddam. 

Suddenly, a groovy music filled the air, identified without a doubt, 'I will survive'. '_I will survive! I will survive!_' Everyone's gaze moved towards the deejay, who smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, it was too tempting." 

"Shut that racket up before I'm forced to test my .45 Magnum on your sorry hide!" shouted Angel Slayer, brandishing a pair of menacing looking Desert Eagle Magnum .45 caliber automatic pistols. 

"Alright, alright already!" replied the deejay. Instantly, the music went mute. Before anybody could sigh in relief, another music replaced the previous one, one that sounded suspiciously of the song sang by the cookie monster, _'C is for cookie, that's good enough for me! Hey, C is for cookie…'_ That pushed their nerves to the limit. Before the deejay could apologize, Uncle Saddam whipped out a bazooka and deliberately destroyed the music control center, together with the deejay. Everyone had huge sweat drops on their foreheads. 

"Efficient, but not to subtle," offered Angel Slayer. 

"Impressive, but my superior intellect would have found a better way," said Seijyuro Hiko, making a genius pose. 

"You know, that guy's starting to get on my nerves," said Angel Slayer.

"So what else is new," replied Uncle Saddam. His gazed wondered towards the pile of debris left from the explosion, the unerringly irritating genius pose of Seijyuro Hiko, and said "We have a long way to go, it seems." 

"Yup. Now the question is who will be the legendary inheritor of the Hiten Mitsurugi sword technique?" pondered Angel Slayer. 

"Who indeed," replied Uncle Saddam with an evil grin etched upon his face. Then he started to chuckle, with evilness buried within. Angel Slayer could not help but chuckle in return. Then they started to laugh an evil laugh that sent the hairs on the back of the crewmembers present standing on end. Angel Slayer looked at the readers evilly and echoed Uncle Saddam "Who indeed…" causing their laughter to double back into an evil uproar.

Thus as the two evil son of a grasshopper and son of a taper respectively, both indulge themselves in their sick, evil dark sides, Seijyuro Hiko continues to ponder the question; who will be the next Hiten Mitsurugi inheritor… Uncle Saddam and Angel Slayer already have an evil plot brewing up in their minds. Soon, we will see the product of their deranged minds. Till then "Chop Suey mania!" shouted Angel Slayer, who was soon joined with Uncle Saddam, and they both listened to Chop Suey, head banging all the way…

"Baka…" Seijyuro Hiko whispered.

There goes chapter one of **Chi's Alternate Adventure: Chi- The next Hiten Mitsurugi inheritor?!** Remember that **Chi's Alternate Adventure** itself is but part of **_The Sabotaged Anime Saga_**. We know that some people may find this story cheesy, or maybe downright offensive, but that happens in life. We can't please everyone, but we do believe that as long as we're having fun when writing we're sure that there will be others out there that would appreciate and have fun too. I hope you guys enjoyed our writing. Send us your comments at:

Uncle Saddam

saddam_yb@yahoo.com

z_zain@hotmail.com 

Yahoo! ID: saddam_yb

Angel Slayer

arcadia_charmer@yahoo.com

arcadiacharmer02@hotmail.com 

Yahoo! ID: arcadia_charmer

We would truly like to have our reader's feedback. Post any comments, suggestions, or even positive criticism, but don't send any viruses, Trojans, bombs, etc or porn. We may be cruel, insane and sadistic, but we are not perverts; Angel Slayer is kinda anti-hentai, and I, Uncle Saddam have a bloody nose. Well, maybe we're a little perverted, but then again, who isn't? Mahoromatic, anyone?… Well then, we better get back to finishing **Chapter 2 – Hideki's dilemma**, so till then sayonara.


	3. SAS 1: Hideki's Dillemma

  


**Chapter 2- Hideki's Dilemma**

Sorry for the long wait, fellow readers. We were quite busy during these few weeks. First of all, I just received a new computer and it took me several days to set all everything right, including all of my backup data, fan subs, anime music videos, hentai, uh, did I say hentai? No, I mean my assignments. Yeah, that's right, assignments… Besides the minor assignments, Arcadia Charmer's computer was practically dented during shipping handling, my room mate's hard disk caught on fire, my old computer's mother board got fried, my other room mates computer was struck directly by lightning, my friend's grand mother died, my friend rolled over a poor little kitten with his car and guess who had to clean the mess, I was hospitalized from suspected meningitis which was later diagnosed as excessive stress, wasps found the nerve to build a nest on my tree which forced us to call the fire brigade to set fire on it, and last but not least, I found out that one of my friend's room mate is gay and is also a friggin' cross dresser.  In a nutshell, we had only minor difficulties and found ourselves delayed for a while.  So, there you have it, we finally finished chapter 2 of part 1, Hideki's dilemma. Now read on.      

The room was dark. A single candle was lit in the center of the room, illuminating the immediate vicinity in a faint glow, throwing phantom-like shadows across the 4 bare walls of the room. The only decoration was a simple tapestry, surrounding a picture of unknown origin, beautiful in it's dark, mysterious nature. Despite having a theme that may never be comprehended by any man but the creator himself, one must admit that one could not help but spare a second glance at it, for it was and still is an intriguing piece of art. The creator is not known, and shall never be, for he has long been out lived by his own creation. 

Hideki stirred from his sleep, feeling groggy and disoriented, unable to make out the blur shapes as his eyes tried to adjust to the dimness of the room. There was something odd, he thought, for he never remembered lighting a candle. He blinked and vision steadily returned, and it is then that he realized that there was a round table in the room, the lit candle placed exactly on the middle of the table. He looked around his room, and noticed that his belongings were missing. "Are?" he said. Then he glanced towards the table and noticed that it was covered in a white tablecloth, and a bottle of what could only be discerned as chilled premium brandy is placed on the table, accompanied by 2 champagne glasses. Strange, he never noticed it the first time he looked at the table. Then suddenly, a thought struck him: _what if this is kanririn-san's handiwork? How nice of her if that was true. _

He went towards the table and was about to reach out for a glass when another thought struck him: _'there must be a catch to this, right? There always is'. He searched around the table comically for any booby traps and found none. He even sniffed the brandy bottle and all suspicion of poisoning was swept away as an exquisite aroma greeted his nostrils. Then his eyes darted around the room, as if looking for any witnesses that might object. He glanced towards the door, expecting any moment now Shinbo-san or even kanririn-san to appear and catch him, saying it was just some cruel joke. When nothing happened, he proceeded to reach for a glass and was in the middle of lifting it when a female voice startled him. _

"Not so fast, tiger," she purred.

Hideki froze. A shocked expression crossed his face. _'There is a woman in my room!' he thought. He turned his head around slowly, and when his gaze met the persona that was the cause of his current uneasiness, his startled expression turned into one of a jaw dropping, eye bulging creature. Curiously, the faint voice of a woman releasing in ecstasy resounded in the air.  In front of him was none other than, Yumi-chan, albeit womanly in appearance, more ripened to Hideki's eyes. She wore a scandalously revealing outfit; fully black in color, showing off a generous amount of cleavage, her skirt gripping tightly upon her ripe bosom. The dress was had a long skirt that had a ridiculously high cut that showed her luxuriously long and silky legs to their full advantage. Her hair was longer, and was let down, with a beautiful tiara of gold and studded diamonds and gold necklace, also studded with diamonds hung from her neck. He had the most beautiful and alluring smile on her face. (The whole crewmembers were rendered smitten, some felt their manhood rising in appreciation. One particular technician drooled upon his monitor, causing it to explode, making him a ragged and blackened pile of rags, writhing on the floor, clutching his face) _

"Go, Yumi. Go." Angel Slayer silently cheered. 

"Make daddy proud." Grinned Uncle Saddam.

A romantic music resounded in the air. The new deejay winked at Uncle Saddam, who showed his thumbs upright for good job. Hideki started to panic, his felt his chest tightening, his nose bleeding, his pants were also tightening as his manhood was also rising in appreciation. He pinched his nose and composed himself enough to talk. "Yumi-chan?! What are you doing here? What are you trying to pull? Why are you wearing that dress? Where **did you get that dress?" **

"You mean you don't want me here? You don't like my company?" said Yumi in her saddest voice, her eyes watering in such sincere sadness, it almost brought the crewmembers to tears. Hideki's demeanor suddenly changed. 

"No, it's not that, **I love your company, ****you are lovely, I love yo… uh, I mean you're my friend and all…" stuttered Hideki. **

"Just friends Hideki?" asked Yumi. 

"Of course! Uh, why do you ask?" Hideki asked back.

"You know," started Yumi, "We can be more than just friends. We can be lovers… I want us to be lovers…"

"What" asked Hideki nervously, "are you talking about?"

"Have I ever told you, how you looked so kawaii in a suit?" 

"What suit?" Hideki asked. To his shock, he then realized that he was wearing a very expensive Armani tux, complete with a necktie. He looked to his right and saw a mirror, and an image of himself. All feelings of uneasiness were swept away as he realized that he looked absolutely dashing. He smiled and the image was improved ten fold. _'Damn, I actually look good' He looked back at Yumi-chan and the feeling of uneasiness returned slightly, though he felt more dubious than ever before. "How…" he started, but before he could inquire, Yumi had advanced, and pressed her soft fingers upon his lips. _

"Hush…" She then set her head upon his chest. " Senpai…" she whispered. "I've been waiting for this from the moment a laid eyes upon you," Hideki had a surge of panic. 

"You wanted to see me in a tux, all this while?" asked Hideki dubiously. Yumi-chan laughed. A sweet and sensual laugh. Hideki's chest tightened even more, and some crewmembers were doubly smitten.

"No, silly" started Yumi. "I wanted to have a moment alone with you." She purred. 

'Holy crap!' thought Hideki. 'Holy crap! Holiest of holy crap! This isn't happening is it? Tell me this isn't happening!' Hideki glanced at the crewmembers, who grinned, adding to Hideki's panic state. He made a begging look at Angel Slayer and Uncle Saddam. 

"Go for it!" mouthed Uncle Saddam. 

"You're the man." mouthed Angel Slayer. Hideki felt hopeless yet surprisingly excited. 

"Senpai…" Yumi-chan called him. Hideki looked down and saw Yumi-chan looking at him with those cute and dreamy little eyes. "Let's be together, for all eternity." 

"What?! Yumi-chan, you can't be serious?!" Hideki almost shouted from fright. 

"I've already made up my mind."

"But, this isn't right! We can't be alone like this and you're, well, young…" stuttered Hideki.

"For me, age doesn't matter, because what I'm feeling right now transcends the foolish barriers of age," 

"What are you trying to say, Yumi?" asked Hideki, his heart rate increasing and his breathing turning heavy. An orchestral piece was played. One of suspense, slowly reaching to climax.

"I'm saying, that I don't feel that this is wrong, for it is right deep down in my heart. I feel that because," Her gaze locked upon Hideki's, whose face was red from excitement. "I love you Hideki. I truly, really, absolutely love you, with all my heart." Then the music reached its climax, one of triumph, like one would expect with a scene by the when the waves hit the rocks of a cliff.  Hideki's expression became something that can not be expressed by mere words, because his visage was a combination of shock, happiness, bliss, excitement, panic, love and lust all in one f**king package. All the crewmembers cheered in sincerity, though some had jealous expressions on their faces. "You," continued Yumi. "Complete me…" and then she hugged him tightly, her tears flowing down her blushing face. 'Awe,' said all the crewmembers. Uncle Saddam and Angel Slayer had the biggest grin ever imagined. 

"Son, I'm proud of you," chuckled Angel Slayer. 

"Attaboy," grinned Uncle Saddam. 

It was then when all doubt fled from Hideki's mind, when all thought of how naughty this situation has became was swept aside as his defenses where stripped down and he surrendered to his emotions. Hideki had the most exotic expression and he had waterfall tears of joy flowing down his eyes. He hugged her back and whispered, "Ashiteru, Yumi. Ashiteru." 

They both then kissed passionately; causing some crewmembers, which were leaning over to get a better view of the action, fall to their deaths 30 feet down. They kissed for what could only be described as an eternity, their faces blushing, and their skin hot and sweaty, when finally their lips parted slightly. Yumi-chan gazed lovingly into Hideki's eyes.

"Senpai…"

"Yes?" 

"Do me…"

Every living thing in the studio hooted. "Yeah, baby!" said the house lizards. "Give her some sugar, Hideki!" shouted the narrator's hamster, much to his shock. The 2 creators of this demented fan-fic grinned evilly. 

"Now, we're getting somewhere." Said Uncle Saddam. 

"I couldn't agree more," answered Angel Slayer. 

(The next scenes have been deleted due to the catastrophes that will occur if viewed. Now go mind you own business and don't forget to wipe that drool off your face. Or that stain on your pants, you sick son of penguin. Now, let's continue with the story shall we. Narrator!)

It was then that their bodies moved in sensual rhythm as Hideki pushed his… "I told you that scene was deleted!!! BAKAERO!!!" shouted Angel Slayer and Uncle Saddam simultaneously. The narrator was reduced to cinders as everyone, including the house lizards and the hamster showed their multiple combos attacks, fired miniguns, threw Molotov Cocktails and finally finished with flame-throwers. The smoking remains of the narrator were used as compost. Rest in pieces. 

"Damn, that's the 10th one this week," said Uncle Saddam. 

"Good help is hard to find these days." Sighed Angel Slayer. A few minutes later, a new narrator walks in. He looked at the pile of smoking remains and swallowed hard. The Saga continues… 

Hideki woke with a startle. He glanced around in confusion. He tried to assess his situation. He looked around, and realized he was in his room. He drenched in sweat. His belongings were in their position, the table was gone, as was the mysterious tapestry. He was no longer dressed in a tux, or not even naked for that fact and the most important thing is, Yumi was no longer there. All these factors combined made him draw the most obvious conclusion: it was just a dream. He sighed, half in relief, half in regret. _'Well, it wasn't just a dream.' He thought. He then tried to recall his dream, and that caused a smirk to appear on his face. "Yumi-chan," he drooled. Suddenly, he shook his head furiously to escape and said, "No! I must not think naughty thoughts of her. It was a dream! Just a dream! That's it! It's just a dream, a little insignificant dream!" He then sighed at his conclusion. "But she was so soft…" he started to drool again. "No! I must banish these impure thoughts! I'm not going surrender to my erotic fantasies! I'm not a pervert dammit!" _

Hideki was panting from exertion. His battle of will with his perverted self had took a major toll. He was almost relaxed when he said "Her milky thighs…. Arrrrghhh!!!" Hideki screamed in frustration, messing up his hair with his hands. He felt absolutely miserable. He didn't even notice a figure crawling towards his sleeping pallet until it was too late. 

"Chii?" said the figure. Hideki received the biggest shock of his life. He screamed and crawled off his pallet backwards, slamming hard and fast into a wall. He was breathing heavily with absolute shock on his face when he saw the cause of his startled state. 

"Chi! You startled me!" Hideki exclaimed. 

"Chii?" said Chii in confusion. "What does Hideki mean by 'startled'?" 

Hideki was about to say something when Chii's question stopped him dead in his tracks. 

"How do I put this? Hmm, it means feeling shocked by something unexpected or strange. Uh, surprised to put it short. Do you understand, Chii?"

"Unexpected? Strange?" inquired Chii. 

"Yeah, that's right," answered Hideki.

"Strange, like that stain on Hideki's pants?" said Chii while pointing to a dampened area on Hideki's pants, and more to be precise, his crotch line. Hideki stared at the spot, paused for a while then finally he shrieked in such immense humiliation and disbelief. He backed up with inhuman speed towards a wall and slammed hard into it. 

"No!!! Chi, this not what you think! I had a totally normal dream! Okay? Nothing strange happened!"

"Chii?" Chi stares at the damp spot in curiosity.

"No! Don't look!" Hideki screamed while covering the area with his hands.

   "Chii?" said Chi in confusion. "Just don't look!" added Hideki. Chi then obediently complies. When Hideki thought he could feel relieved, Chi then proceeds to Hideki's sleeping pallet, and upon noticing the same 'strange' stain on it, pointed towards it, and said innocently,

"Strange! Like the one on Hideki's pants!" 

"Eh?" said Hideki in confusion. When he glanced at the spot where Chi was pointing, he froze, then the camera zoomed in on his face in steps and with each step, Hideki's visage grew more and more filled with shock, disbelief, insanity, and utter humiliation. 

"Nooooo!! Chi, don't touch that!" Hideki then rushes towards his sleeping pallet and with superhuman speed rolls it and stuffs it in his cabinet. When he was done, he was breathing and sweating heavily, with a wild and deranged look in his eyes and face. 

"Chii?" asked Chi in confusion.

Hideki was struggling to relax, and when he finally did, he said to Chi, with a ragged and exhausted voice, "Chi, I'm going to the bathhouse for a while. Chi, be good and wait for me here okay?" Hideki then proceeds to grab his stuff to be used at the bathhouse. He was about to step out of the room when Chi grabs his shirt at the bottom and made such a worried face that Hideki had to stop and ask, "What is it, Chi?" 

"Hideki, is going out?" replied Chi in a very sad tone that most of the crewmembers had to say 'aaaaww'.   

"What's wrong, Chi?

"Hideki shouldn't go out…" said Chi, again in such a sad tone that caused some of  the crewmember's eyes to well up in tears.

"Chi, is something wrong?" asked Hideki with deep concern in his voice as panic begins to build up in his chest.

"Hideki shouldn't go out because Hideki still has 'strange' thing on Hideki's pants." 

It was then, Hideki's visage turned white with utter horror. He realised that he forgot to change his pants. Before he could do anything, Chi then takes out a roll of toilet paper and proceeds to clean the spot. 

"Hideki shouldn't go out with 'strange' thing still on Hideki. Chi will help Hideki." When Chi's toilet paper filled hand touched Hideki's stain point, or to be more specific his crotch, Hideki's face morphed into an expression that was virtually impossible for any human being to replicate. It was then, where any shred of control Hideki had was utterly obliterated, and Hideki, with waterfall tears of  shock and humiliation gushing down his face, a crimson blush that was more crimson that blood, and a scream that was filled with such utter humiliation and misery that those that heard his screams were brought to tears of pity. 

"Why me?!!!!" Hideki screamed all the way to the bath house, so indulged in misery that he didn't even notice kanririn-san greeting him. 

"Ohayo-gozaimasu?" said kanririn-san dubiously as Hideki sped by screaming something that sounded like 'why me?!', 'this is the end' and 'my life is screwed'. Kanririn-san was left blinking  in confusion as she said, "Ara?" She then continued sweeping the lawn, humming a cheerful tune to herself.

Meanwhile, in the studio where all anime gets sabotaged,  all the crewmembers were shaking their heads in a mixture of pity and humour at Hideki's ill luck. 

"You know what? I almost feel sorry for the bastard." Said Angel Slayer.

"Almost, doesn't count does it?" replied Uncle Saddam with his ever-present evil grin etched upon his face. 

"You're right at that," said Angel Slayer, who also couldn't help but replicate a similar grin. Some of the crewmembers started to have doubts whether their employers were even human.

"Seriously, I really felt pity over the guy." Said the narrator who was on his coffee break. "I mean, imagine if you were in his shoes? How would you feel?"

"Well, if you mean the part where Chi used the toilet paper…" supplied one of the technicians.

"No, I mean, waking up with that wet stain and some one noticing it."

"What do you mean?" inquired the house lizard who was then immediately tossed into a fireplace, causing the narrator's hamster to shout 'Nooooo!!'. The others ignored them. 

"Imagine this; you wake up in the morning, sweating and panting from last  night's dream, with a stain on your pants to which you have no idea the significance behind it, when you realise that your parents are in the room. Adding to the horror, your mother smiles an awkward smile, and your father, trying not to smile sheepishly said, "Son, I think it's time for us to talk a little bit about growing up…" while nodding to the stain on your pants. 

Every male crew member shivered in fright at the thought. "Well, that's a very horrifying story. But, I think that is impossible to happen in real life, right?" said one cameraman, who then proceeds to look at everyone's faces one by one. When everyone sat silently, he continued with a voice that sounded more like a small child's plead, "Right…?"  Everyone looked at him. "I had the same experience…" said the deejay, who had this utter look of horror in his eyes. "And so did I," said the head technician who was on the brink of tears. "Oh, my god," said the inquiring cameraman, his eyes  wide in disbelief. "You poor, poor, souls…"

"You know, I think it would help if I were to tell you guys this: I also had the same experience," said the narrator in a very serious tone. When everyone looked at him in disbelief, he simply replied, "It's true," Everyone started to murmur something among themselves, when finally, the narrator looked at the 2 comrades who shared his pain and said, "So you see, you guys are not alone. We share your pain. And, although I think this won't mean much, we are here together as one…" it was then where the 3 of them hugged each other, waterfall tears of understanding running down their cheeks. After a while, most of them could not with hold their composure any more and joined in the hug, their faces also streaming with waterfall tears. The deejay, despite his eyes brimming with tears, manages to play an opus, one of triumph and joy. The other male crewmembers who did not join in the mass hug, were nodding their heads in approval and understanding, water fall tears also flowing down their eyes. The female crewmembers had this huge sweat drop on their heads. 

"Men…"

Angel Slayer looked at Uncle Saddam and said, "Shall we just leave them like that? It's already 5 minutes past their coffee break?"

"Just leave them. It's been awhile since I've seen male-bonding of such epic proportions. These things happen only once in a life time for some people, and is truly a sight to see."

"You've had it right." Replied Angel Slayer. "By the way, aren't you going share them your side of the story," inquired Angel Slayer with a grin. 

"That will not be necessary," replied Uncle Saddam. 

"Oh, c'mon," said Angel Slayer.

"I mean it," said Uncle Saddam while menacingly brandishing 2 double edged lightsabers at Angel Slayer. Angel Slayer had huge sweat drops forming on his head, "Okaaayy…."   

"Excuse me for asking, but isn't it time to continue the story?" inquired the narrator's hamster.

"You are absolutely right," said Uncle Saddam who looked at Angel Slayer, and said, "Shall we?"

"Indeed," replied Angel Slayer. They both continued with their evil plot, laughing deviously. When everything settled down, the Saga continues.

Kanririn-san had finished sweeping and was about to enter the house when she noticed that  Chi was standing at the front porch, with sad eyes. 

"What is it Chi?" asked kanririn-san. 

"Chii…" replied Chi sadly.

"What happened Chi?" this time, kanririn-san was alarmed and dropped her broom. She proceeded towards Chi and held her shoulders. "What's the matter, Chi?" kanririn-san asked with sincere concern in her voice. Chi looked up at Kanririn-san and said, "Hideki was troubled… Chi tried to help him but it seemed to make things worse." Kanririn-san remembered Hideki's condition when he barged out a moment before and had a small sweat drop on her forehead. 

"Oh, that. Tell me, what caused Hideki to be in such a condition?"

"Hideki had strange thing on his pants…" answered Chi innocently.

"Eh?"

"Hideki woke from a dream and had this strange wet stain on his pants. Hideki went 'guru-guru' and was moaning when in dream." Answered Chi.

"Guru-guru?" inquired kanririn-san. Chi then proceeds to roll back and forth on the floor cutely.

"Guru-guru? Moaning? Strange wet stain?" said kanririn-san, trying to put things together. When comprehension finally dawned, kanririn-san actually had the grace to blush. "Oh, now I understand. Hideki is a man after all."

"Chii?" asked Chi in confusion.

"Listen, Chi. Hideki is a normal human male. Sometimes, these things happen and it is best not to interfere when it does happen. It's best that we keep it quiet and let him handle things in his own way."

"Chi… Understands. Chi wanted to help Hideki, but caused Hideki more trouble… Chi made things worse…" replied Chi in her saddest voice. Kanririn-san couldn't help but hug Chi tightly.

"It's okay, Chi didn't know. And it's okay to make mistakes once in a while. You didn't mean to make things worse anyway, right?"

"Chi… Understands."

"By the way, Chi, how did you sought to help him?" inquired kanririn-san dubiously.

"Chi took tissue paper and tried to clean the stain…"

"Ah…" replied kanririn-san, smiling sweetly. But when comprehension truly dawned, the image was so startling she actually had the grace to blush once again and had a huge sweat drop on her forehead.

"No wonder he was so troubled." Kanririn-san couldn't help but giggle at the memory of Hideki running across the lawn through the gate and onto the road. She finally understood why.

"Hideki also had another problem," supplied  Chi.

"Ara?" answered kanririn-san. "What problem?" asked kanririn-san.

"Chii!" replied Chi, who then rushes upstairs, leaving kanririn-san feeling dubious. Moments later, Chi re-emerges from the house holding a rolled object that could only discerned as a  sleeping pallet. Before kanririn-san could say anything, Chi then hands the bundle to kanririn-san, who takes it reflexively. It was then that Chi said, "Hideki was also troubled by this," Before kanririn-san could inquire, she was startled by a strange dampness on the pallet that she was holding. She then continues to examine the damp spot that she just held. Suddenly, she realisation struck. "Chi, does this pallet belong to Hideki?" 

"Chii," said Chi, nodding in affirmative. "Hideki was also troubled by that strange stain on his pallet. Is it the same thing as the one on Hideki's pants?" 

Kanririn-san was quiet. Suddenly, for the 3rd time, a record breaker, kanririn-san actually had the grace to blush once again. Her head was covered with sweat drops this time.  "Yes, Chi, it's the same thing. Uh, Chi, can you excuse me for a bit? I need to go to the bathroom. Will you be a good girl and go back to your room?" Chi nodded in the affirmative. When Chi was finally in the house, kanririn-san dropped the sleeping pallet on the front door, rushed towards the bathroom and washed her hands thoroughly with soap, all the while struggling mightily to stifle an 'EEEEWWWW!!' and keeping a straight face. Most of the crewmembers were trying hard to stifle a laugh. 

When kanririn-san was finally composed, she walked towards the bundle, picked it up at strategic points, and then she proceeds to the place where she usually washes clothes. She was on the verge of washing the pallet for poor little Hideki, when Chi suddenly emerged in front of kanririn-san. Kanririn-san had the shock of her life. Breathing heavily, she said, "What is it Chi?"

"Chi, is going to part-time work."

"Okay, then Chi. Have a good day."

"By the way, kanririn-san." Asked Chi.

"What is it, Chi?"

"Chi was wondering over kanririn-san's words. Kanririn-san said it was normal for males to have strange stain. What about kanririn-san? Does kanririn-san had such stain before."

If kanririn-san was drinking something, she could have spewed it by now. But kanririn-san just forced her friendly smile, trying her best not to look to embarrassed but failing miserably. She is having her fourth blush in one day. A miracle that only occurs in this saga, and nowhere else. "Chi. There are times when people need to keep things a secret. This is such a time."

"Secret?" asked Chi. "Chi doesn't understand this word."

"Why don't you ask Hideki when he comes back? I'm sure he would know better than me. Right now, I need to finish cleaning Hideki's pallet."

"Chi, understands. Chi will go to part-time job now. Ittekimasu."

"Have a safe journey," answered kanririn-san, a smile etched upon her face.

They then continued on with their lives, not knowing the dark schemes of the 2 deranged author's of fan fiction is about to change their fates forever. 

"It's time." Said Uncle Saddam, his right eye darkened by shadows.

"Let's do it," replied Angel Slayer, who's facial attributes was enveloped in darkness.

It was then, when evil, insidious laughter filled the air. May god be with the unfortunate souls who will be the victims of their deranged plans. 

_So there it is. We've finally created the corniest romance story ever imagined. I took awhile to think Hideki's love fantasy with Yumi-chan; romance isn't exactly our forte. But, inevitably we managed, and here you have it. We also had trouble creating the correct personality for Hideki, Chi and kanririn-san. That gave me a headache for a whole damn day. Anyways, we finally pulled through. We hope you guys didn't mind the long wait. Truly too much has happened in these 2 weeks.. or 3 if I'm not mistaken. We hope such  things won't repeat themselves to hinder our writing. In any case, please give us your opinions and response. One particular response we got was strangely motivating. We hope to see such response again soon. With that settled, please be patient for the 3rd Chapter. Till then, sayonara. And please try not to get yourselves killed for god's sake! _

Uncle Saddam

ü saddam_yb@yahoo.com

ü z_zain@hotmail.com 

Yahoo! ID: saddam_yb

Angel Slayer

ü arcadia_charmer@yahoo.com

ü arcadiacharmer02@hotmail.com 

Yahoo! ID: arcadia_charmer


End file.
